


you give me jitters baby

by markbumficfest



Series: Markbum Fic Exchange 2018 [7]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drinking, Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, author has never used the drug mentioned, cursing, illegal drug use, inaccurate portrayal of being high, jaebeom is a producer, mark is a baker, mentioned for like a second, usual suspects mentioned but not really in the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 15:22:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17286563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markbumficfest/pseuds/markbumficfest
Summary: Jaebeom has been leaving Mark all alone for too long, and it has Mark craving.





	you give me jitters baby

**Author's Note:**

> for ygstan_ahgase
> 
> full fanart: [here](https://www.dropbox.com/s/vbdhtdc1jiha1v8/you%20make%20me%20jitter.png?dl=0) and [here](https://www.dropbox.com/s/9qxh4retp86q6sx/you%20make%20me%20jitter2.png?dl=0)

It was nothing unusual, Mark coming home to an empty condo.

His clothes bathed in the sweet smell of confectioner’s sugar and flour caked underneath his fingernails, Mark sighs as he shrugs off his messenger bag and placed a box of some of the unwanted pastries that were left on display on his kitchen table.

Mark’s day had been long. Waking up to an empty bed and taking a cold shower in order to relive his aching muscles, as he prepared for eight hours of mixing, frosting, and carefully placing his baked creations on display for regular customers or anyone who came in to his bakery in order to get away from the busyness of the weekday.

Mark had gone into work with Jackson and Youngjae pestering him to go on a bar crawl after the fourteen hour shift they were all about to pull. The day had consisted of Mark vehemently saying no to his two business partners and dealing with the dozens of orders they had to fill by the end of the week. Mark on cakes and cookies, Jackson on custards and flakey pastries, and Youngjae manning the counter with his syrupy smile and contagious happy disposition.

Used to the lonely buzz of the air conditioner that engulfed his home for two, Mark unlocks his phone to see no messages from Jaebeom. His boyfriend probably hung up in his studio a highway and an umpteenth number of city blocks away.

Maybe Jaebeom was alone, his headphones on top of his head basically glued to his ears as he meticulously tried to figure out the perfect melody for the lyrics he was given. Or maybe he was with his team, drinking soju and getting practically smashed while his colleagues commented on womens’ breast sizes and which of their female coworkers would _take it the best._

Mark shivered thinking about how long Jaebeom had had to put up this front, hiding his self away from his associates, completely separating his home and work life. On nights where Jaebeom went with his fellow producers to bars he came home past the early hours of the morning and woke Mark up with his repugnant breath and hands clawing at Mark’s shoulders all while pushing his head into a pillow and slipping off his boxers.

_“You’re the best baby, what would I do without you.”_

Mark would take it. Like a good boyfriend of six fucking years should. Sometimes he would cry out with Jaebeom, writhing with pleasure and feeling satisfied. Other times he would just cry, not being able to handle and not wanting the seemingly sensual intrusion.

His phone began to vibrate, snapping Mark out of his thoughts. A text from Jaebeom lit up his screen.

_Wont be home tonight, party for producers and lyricists at PJYs._

Mark felt nothing, not even a dash of disappointment crossed his mind. This was the third night in a row Jaebeom wouldn’t be home. Recently the CEO of Jaebeom’s company decided that better songs came from closer teamwork and had been pushing his employees to spend more and more time together. This time often consisted of an absurd amount of alcohol. Jaebeom often came back the morning after, too plastered to come home.  He told Mark stories of his colleagues pushing him to talk with beautiful women in tight shirts and even tighter pants. His long time boyfriend would laugh it off, saying that the girls who attended the parties were simply friends of his coworkers so of course he would go up to them and strike up a conversation, only wanting to appease his producing friends. 

Whenever Jaebeom told him a story like this Mark only pretended to listen, his throat tightening and his mind coming up with its own version of events. _Jaebeom and a woman cuddling up after a few glasses of wine, her hand sneaking its way up his boyfriend’s thigh…_

It was hard for Mark to push away his thoughts, he shook his head as he tried to remember just which one of Jaebeom’s coworkers was PJY.  Of course, this was hard since Mark had never actually meet any of the people who made up his boyfriend’s producing team. Jaebeom being very adamant that he did not want his coworkers knowing he was gay, and wanting to keep Mark away from the eyes of his team, telling him he was _too pretty for his world to see._

What a load of fucking bull.

Mark felt alone in his own home, the place that he and Jaebeom had bought specifically so that they could be themselves together, the place where Jaebeom was supposed to be currently.

In the six years they had been together, Mark had never thought of leaving Jaebeom, knowing he would never find someone who he loved more.

Mark’s temples throbbed. No one would ever take the time to unwrap him like Jaebeom had. The hours, days, months they spent walking in small circles around each other afraid to make any type of advances had brought the two so close that Mark had felt that Jaebeom was the only type of air he could ever breath so deep into his lungs.

Mark loved Jaebeom, he was just frustrated. This was something they could make it through.

_Right?_

Mark tapped at his phone screen, scrolling to a person he texted more than he would like to admit. His thumb hovered over the name, debating if he was as pathetic as he felt in the moment.  He told himself that he would quit, or at least _try_ to stop. But, Mark was lonely and weak.

He quickly typed out a message

_Come over with the candy, we can go out_

Mark didn’t even have to look away from his phone before he received a reply of, _on my way;)._

Pushing his hair back, he heaved out a sigh and forced himself to leave his dim kitchen. Going into his shared bedroom and opening his shared closet, ignoring the framed pictures of Jaebeom and him from happier times, he changed into a tight shirt and even tighter pants.

He was just slicking back his hair when he heard a knock at his door. 

“It’s open,” he shouted as he crossed over his floorplan to meet his friend. BamBam walked into his home with his hands in his pockets and his shoes clacking on the hardwood.

“Jaebeom leaving you lonely again tonight?” the younger asked, although he already knew the answer. Having been Mark’s friend since their first year of college as foreigners in a new country, he had been there to witness the budding and beginning of his relationship as well as the present apparent downfall the couple was facing.

Mark swayed over to him, “When does he not Bam.”

BamBam looked him up and down, “At least you look hot,” he grabbed onto his friend’s arm, “I’ll make sure you have fun tonight.”

The younger reached into his pocket, pulling out a baggie of white powder and made his way over to Mark’s kitchen table and plopped down, looking over at his friend.

“You sure you’re up for this? You told me last time you wanted to stop.”

Mark sighed and pulled out a chair to sit beside BamBam, “Pretty sure I said that the time before too.”

He watched as friend divided the drug into separate lines, the substance seemingly taunting him and his attempts to quit using the illicit powder. _You'll always come back to me._

“Let's go, hyung. The night’s wasting away!” Bambam cried next to his ear.

Mark put his face to the table and inhaled.

The night passed by in a colorful blur. The taxi ride to the club was filled with bright city lights and streaks of passerbyers. Mark felt euphoric, his high being stimulated by the rush of breeze from the open window. The hair on his harm stood up with the wind as he cracked up at every little thing BamBam whispered into his ear.

The club was filled with the harsh tempo of an electronic song, and Mark couldn’t help but sway his hips to the beat of it. BamBam in front of him, arms around Mark’s neck. Everything went  fast fast fast and Mark never wanted to slow down.

Eventually BamBam dragged his best friend to the bar, sweat dripping down both of them. As the younger waited for his turn to yell at the bartender for two bottles of “overpriced” water, Mark pulled out his phone. His mouth dried at the message on his lockscreen.

_I came home, where are you? I miss you_

“Bam, Bam” Mark repeated trying to get his friend’s attention.

“-ridiculously too much for a goddamn piece of plastic, OW! Hyung, stop hitting me. I just bought you seven dollars’ worth of water.” Mark thrusted his phone in his friend’s face and BamBam’s expression dropped. It looked as sour as Mark’s mood had become.

“Shit.”

Mark’s heart raced, his mouth dry as he screwed off the water bottle cap.

“He thinks I quit this shit in college.”

“Will he know right when you walk through the door?” BamBam asked as he leaned against the bar, condensation dripping onto the floor. Mark watched the drops of liquid slide off the bottle onto his friend’s hand, his mind going into overdrive as he thought.

_This is it this is it_

_Its time its time_

_He’s going to leave me_

Tears pricked at Mark’s eyes, he continued watching the water roll onto BamBam’s hand more and more a flood started to make its way down to his cheeks. 

 

BamBam was there the night Jaebeom had found Mark high off his ass on cocaine. Him and BamBam had just gotten back from a bar crawl, and Jaebeom had been weary of BamBam’s influence on Mark since the two weren’t together yet. No, they were still circling each other. Mark had never wanted to be the one to make the first move and Jaebeom hid away his feelings with beer and cigarettes.

Jaebeom had been sitting on Mark’s couch, unbeknownst to Mark, waiting for the two to come back.

Mark and BamBam had stumbled through the doorway, their heads still dizzy from the amount of cocaine they snorted inside the club’s soiled bathroom. 

It was disgusting, but once the drug entered Mark’s bloodstream he felt _great_. The disheveled  bathroom was the last thing on his mind as he pranced around the dance floor with BamBam, random men on his hips and a luke warm coke and rum in his hand.

Mark hadn’t even noticed Jaebeom until he had taken off his shoes, and a smile crept up onto his face.  Jaebeom mirrored his smile and got up to greet the two.

As he walked toward Mark he took him in, his styled hair had turned into an unkept mess and his shirt was hanging off one of his shoulders. His eyes stopped at Mark’s shirt, locked onto something Mark didn’t know was there.

“Mark, you have something on your shirt.”

Mark’s eyes had followed Jaebeom’s and he noticed a trace of white powder standing out on his black shirt. As he wiped it off, Jaebeom’s eyes had moved to Mark’s eyes and his mouth was in an angry twist.

“How often do you do this shit.” Jaebeom gritted out, his hands clenched at his sides.

Mark was frozen. He was in college, this was the time to do stupid things like this, it was normal.

BamBam chimed in, sensing the tension and seeing Mark becoming anxious, “It’s just something we do to make the clubs more fun.” He patted Mark’s shoulder, his way of showing his support for his best friend.

Jaebeom’s eyes were in slits as he nodded at what the younger had said, he swallowed and Mark could only watch his adam’s apple bob up and down, not wanting to look Jaebeom in the face.

“If you keep doing this shit, I’ll never talk to you again.” Jaebeom’s words were firm and Mark felt BamBam freeze behind him. All he could do was furiously nod, eyes still locked on Jaebeom’s neck. He stared so hard that he didn’t even realize Jaebeom had walked away and out the door until he heard a _slam._

Mark shook and shook as his sobs crawled out of his throat, BamBam holding him steady and rubbing his back.

 

“It’s been some time, I’m already coming down from this shit, maybe you are too.” BamBam whispered softly into Mark’s ear as he sobbed. Mark feeling glued to the barstool he was sitting in, his stomach in tight knots and the feeling of bile making its way up his throat.

“Bam, after six years, I think this is it..” Mark trailed off as he placed his head in his hands. “I lied to him, I’m a bad boyfriend.”

That statement made BamBam jump out of the chair he was sitting on as he spun Mark around to face him.

“Mark, for the past six fucking years you’ve been loving Jaebeom and for the past two he hasn’t been doing a good job of loving you back.” BamBam’s eyes were dilated as he pushed into Mark’s space and looked him in the eyes. “Ever since he got that fucking job he’s been ignoring you, and you’re too in love with him to confront him about it! If he gets mad at you for this then finally tell him how bad of a partner he’s been for fucking ever.

The blood circulating through Mark’s veins burned, something was going to happen tonight and it would either be for the worst or for the best.

Mark nodded and BamBam helped him out of his stool and they made their way out of the club, the pounding of the music following Mark until the cab BamBam had called for him stopped at his condo complex.

The lights in the street were dim. Pulling out his phone he noticed that it was very very early in the morning and he realized that he had never texted Jaebeom back as worried text messages filled his notifications.

_Baby, are you coming home?_

_Please at least tell me where you are_

_Mark have I done something? Where r u_

_Come home come home_

As he walked up the stairs to his shared condo, he felt dizzy. His head was heavy and spinning, but his body was light as a feather.  His mind filled with the memory of Jaebeom walking away from him all those years ago.

His keys made a jingling sound as he got them out of his back pocket, a loud noise in the dead quiet of the hallway. He pushed the door open, it felt heavier than normal and the slam it made as it shit was loud in Mark’s fuzzy ears.

Jaebeom was sitting at the table, a rare sight. His head resting on the wood and his mouth open in a snore.

Mark walked over to him, heart beating in his head, and shook his boyfriend. Jaebeom awoke with a twitch. His eyes were dilated and his clothes smelled like the expensive brandy he liked to drink.

“You weren’t supposed to come home tonight.” Mark whispered as he rubbed Jaebeom’s back and watched the sleep drain from the other’s face.

“Missed ya,” he paused for a yawn and eyes his boyfriend’s appearance, “Doesn’t seem like you missed me much though.” A frown was on his lips, his face almost dark.

Mark removed his hand, feeling burned.

“I was out with Bam. Thought I would have my own fun since you were at that party for work.” he placed his hands around his waist.

Jaebeom’s eyes furrowed, an ugly line between his eyebrows formed. Mark realized he was shaking as he tried pushing his hands against his hips to stop the slight agitation.

“Why are you home Jaebeom?” Mark asked, feeling hot under the other’s gaze.

“This is my house too, am I not allowed to be here?” Jaebeom’s eyes were still going up and down his boyfriend’s form.  Tearing him apart and leaving him in pieces with just a rake of his glare. 

“You just usually never come back…” Mark trailed off and looked away, his eyes were filling with water as a result of his boyfriend’s surveying.

“I’m getting a shower.” He said as he turned to walk away.

An arm reached out for his hand.

“Baby, are you high?”

Mark paused and stared at the hold Jaebeom’s hand had on his arm. His hands were always so strong, Mark thought fondly. He couldn’t help but smile to himself. The hands that used to circle his waist or trail his body were now a tight lock on his own, thin arm.

Mark didn’t look up, but nodded. He slipped out of his boyfriend’s gaze and walked away.  As he made his way to the bathroom, and looked in the mirror at his grim reflection he heard the sound of glass breaking. As he shed off his clothes and turned on the water he could make out the loud banging of doors closing over the gurgling of the water. As he was in the shower, washing the night’s scent and club’s odor off of his body he heard nothing. Not even the sound of the water. His head was empty as he stood under the flow and let the water run over him.

As he stepped out of the shower, Mark felt better. More down to Earth. He wrapped a towel around his waist and exited his steamy safe, oasis.

He walked into his bedroom, Jaebeom sitting on the bed. His knuckles bloody. His hands were pressed into his temples, his legs open and seemingly welcoming. The pressure in the room made Mark feel weak.

“Mark, how long have you been back on this shit.” Jaebeom’s eyes looked glassy. The crescents Mark loved looking into, diluted and hard.

“A few months,” Mark managed to mumble out, droplets of water cresended his back and onto the floor. Mark watched Jaebeom’s steely gaze follow the drip down from his chest, to his calves, to the floor.

“Why?” Jaebeom was up on feet now, inching closer and closer to Mark.

He felt awfully too close for the severity of the situation, Mark just wanted him away. Far enough so that he didn’t have to see the disappointment in his boyfriend’s stare.

Mark looked at the floor, blood in his mouth from biting his lip too hard.

“We’ve been distant for a long time, Jaebeom.” The other placed a hand on Mark’s waist. Curling his fingers on Mark’s hips, just over the towel, the only thing separating their skin. The blood from his knuckles staining the towel over Mark’s waist.

Mark kept his eyes down, too afraid to look up and face the situation he was dealing with. As Jaebeom’s fingers squeezed tighter and tighter his heart raced.

“You were out with your coworkers, coming home late, having sex with me, then wouldn’t be there when I woke up in the morning.” Jaebeom’s hands gripped tighter, why was he gripping tighter? Mark’s skin felt like it was ablaze, he was sure that his whole body was a pale red.

“I was alone, Jae. Every morning and every night I was by myself.” Mark let out a sob, his body heating up even more. Jaebeom rubbed circles into his waist.  He continued.

“I just wanted to forget. Everytime you came home you smelled like booze and perfume. I wanted something to make me forget you were ashamed of me.”  Mark looked up, seeing his boyfriend’s glassy eyes.

Cries wracked his body and his shoulders were quickly enveloped by Jaebeom’s arms. His boyfriend whispering into his ear, “Shhh, baby, I could never be ashamed of you, never.”

Mark’s head rested on his shoulder, Jaebeom tracing indistinguishable doodles over Mark’s back.

“Baby, you know how scared I was when I started out at the record label. I was worried they would ostracize the gay guy. But I was never humiliated because I was loving you.”

He pushed Mark away from his body, resting his hands on his shoulders and forcing Mark to look up at him.

“I just needed my own time to get comfortable around the people I was with. And I did baby, I did. I’m out to a couple of guys at work and I talk about ya all the time love.”   At Mark’s hurt look of surprise he continued before his boyfriend could barge in.

“It just happened about a week ago, told them when I was piss drunk. Our CEO is breathin’ down our necks’ right now, baby, he keeps makin’ us stay later and later trying to get us to create more and more music.” Jaebeom leaned forward and brushed their lips together.

“I’m sorry I’ve been away, Mark, don’t leave me. I’m sorry I haven’t been talkin’ to ya, I’ve felt too burnt out to even look your pretty face in the eyes.”

Mark looked up at him. His apology wasn’t perfect, but it was a start.

“You’re not leaving me?” He asked, too quietly for his likely.

“Don’t get me wrong…” His boyfriend started, Mark felt his own body tense, “I’m mad at you, but I think you’re still mad at me too.”

He felt Jaebeom’s nails gently rake down his back.

“Why don’t we be mad at eachother a little longer.”

Their lips connected. Mark pushing Jaebeom onto the bed and eagerly crawling to straddle his boyfriend. The towel from his waist forgotten on the floor.

_Just how long had it been_

Jaebeom’s hands fisted his hair just the way he liked it and their hips moved in sync. Mark whined as Jaebeom whispered into his ear and teased his nipples.

His mind was mush. That’s what Jaebeom did to him.

Mark had missed the easiness of falling back into the hot intimacy the two undeniably shared together.

As Jaebeom rocked into him and covered his body in kisses, Mark couldn’t help but feel happy.

 

It was something unusual, Mark waking up in his bed, a body on his back smushed up against his.

The covers were off the bed, pillows on the floor. Mark had slept peacefully on Jaebeom’s arm.

Mark turned his body around to spread kisses around his boyfriend’s face, his eyes opening. He waited for the sleep to drift out of the other’s eyes before saying seriously, “I’m quitting.”

Jaebeom yawned, “Don’t worry, I am too.”

“You don’t have t─” Mark was cut off by a kiss to his open mouth.

“You deserve more than I’ve been giving you these past two years, let me make it up to you baby.”

Mark smiled. Butterflies filling his chest, like it did every time he woke up with Jaebeom by his side.


End file.
